In February 2016 I was interviewed by Renate Tromp for her then online magazine, Ambitious Mamas.  Below is an extract from this interview, which I read in my moments of reflection, reminding me how far I have come in finding my own path. The title especially makes me smile internally, as I know exactly what I have done and will continue to do!

In my interview with Nita Wink, we meet an Ambitious Mama, who gave up her partnership at a major accounting firm to pursue her dream: empowering women as an executive coach – Renate Tromp

Ambition

Ambition means putting energy into what is important to me. And I recently made tough choices in that regard  when said goodbye to my profession as an auditor. A profession that gave me the opportunity to brainstorm with people and organisations at a high level. Such a turnaround is quite exciting: I no longer want to do what I can do. And I can’t do what I want, not yet, as I have relatively less experience in that. (laughing) That doesn’t exactly inspire me with confidence! Sometimes I think to myself, really idiot, what have you done?

My ambition for the future as a coach/mentor is to bring the soul back into leadership. I have seen that many – still predominantly male – leaders have been dehumanised. Their main concerns being targets and analyses. But feelings, the human value, are gone. To bring about that goal and at the same time involve more women in leadership, I want to, among other things, use dreams as part of my coaching. Dreams are beautiful letters we write to ourselves in symbolic language, lovingly and in the same breath, brutally, showing the obstacles to further growth. For many men, you can use the meaning of their dreams to soften them. For women precisely to make them stronger.

Many women are conditioned to be kind and supportive, but there is also another side. The side that knows what it wants. Many women dream that they are angry because that side is not allowed to be there during the day. If we women free ourselves from that, we become stronger, more stable, more decisive. More aligned. But for that to happen, we have to let go of what we know. Just as I did. “What got you here, won’t get you there.”

Career

Before I decided to give up my career and partnership at PwC, I took a sabbatical. I wanted to think about my future and walked my own Santiago de Compostela “pilgrimage”. In September 2014, I walked 320kms in ten days from Bramsche, near Osnabrück in Germany, where I was born, to my home in Amsterdam. That walk opened up something in me and for the months that followed I relished the extra time I spent with my two young children, Janna, then 8, and Fedde, then 5. I faced the realisation that my career as an auditor was coming to an end, the developments in the profession were becoming less and less suited to who I was becoming. Being a pure auditor in an auditing organisation no longer suited me. The conclusion was inevitable: I am not going back to my company. It’s time for a new adventure.

In my new career as executive coach and systemic equine coach, I will create business with a number of people in the field of personality and leadership training. Empowering people and especially women makes me very happy and I am now working on a project in the Middle East to give ambitious women a stronger voice and let them experience where their strength lies. How will I exactly shape my new career?: I know one thing for sure. I don’t want to be away from my children as much anymore. Since I left PwC I have rediscovered the joy of being a mother. I want to be part of my own children’s journey of discovery.

Keeping all the balls in the air

I was lucky enough to meet a man, my husband Kees, who could handle the 90% / 10% split in home-life responsibilities. But since the work pressure has been lifted off my shoulders, there is more room for him to take on the tasks he enjoys. I’ll be the last to blame PwC for all the time I was away from home. That is completely in the nature of the beast. And I will stay vigilant of that part of me.

The difference now is that my needs are no longer naturally related to my work. I had great doubts about that as well. As an ambitious woman, can I manage to bail out? And is what I’m doing now giving up? But I don’t see any other option. I want to do things that give me energy and put my energy into what is important to me. Work that enriches my life and at the same time fits into my home-life. So no, there is no going back. This is my new ambition.

Dream

My dream is to set something in motion by bringing spirituality back into professionals and into leadership. Not so much the supernatural, but precisely that which is close to nature. Over and above the knowledge, the rationalisations, the analyses, I want to bring to light the soul in people. Tap into our connection to that energy source, call it intuition. It may all still sound vague, but I feel exactly what I mean and I’m going to do it. And if you ask me where I want to be in five years, my answer is “with my child in Times Square.” Why? Maybe to show her the bustling centre of the world and say, “It’s all yours!”

Nita’s tip to ambitious women: Go for a long, hard walk outside. That gives you time to get close to yourself and really get in touch with what you want. By literally putting one foot in front of the other, you will carry yourself there. It was definitely the journey of discovery I needed.