You are not stuck
You are committed to certain patterns of behaviour
because they helped you in the past.
Now those behaviours have become more harmful than helpful.
The reason why you can’t move forward
is because you keep applying an old formula to a new level in your life.
Change the formula to get a better result.
When I first read this incredible poem by writer Emily Maroutian it struck a chord in my heart as it so eloquently describes so many of us, myself included.
How and where do I get out of here?
In 2014 my 20 year career as auditor at PwC can most certainly be described as successful. I was responsible for various teams and clients and on a buzz with hardly a dull working moment. But in the same breath I was like ‘Ok, and now? How and where do I get out of here?’
I had to plan in time for my private life or else it would be overrun by business needs. But I was convinced that if you have a serious career then this is just part of the way you live. Your pay-check means you have to be available. But it was gnawing away at me.
While I knew I had to do something to find the balance, I could not see the opportunity to do anything about it. The weeks were just too jampacked. My thoughts crammed to bursting capacity. My attempts to try to do things differently never seemed to make any difference. I felt stuck. Stuck in the pattern of responsibility, stuck in a demanding career, stuck in the expectations too often set by others.
And that can really have an uncomfortable hold on you. I did not dare to contemplate doing things differently. How could I! I’ve studied for 20 years, I’m not just going to throw that away! And as this grip tightens, everything seems to hold you back.
All I had to do was BE!
I clearly remember my very first coaching session with the horses 8 years ago. It was part of a leadership weekend and from the offset I honestly had no ideas what to expect. I saw the coaching sessions unfold for others, but I didn’t even know what questions to ask and what I was doing there! But one horse in particular, a beautiful black, Friesian mare, stood in the arena, staring at me. While I stood there, staring back at her, the reality of the moment hit home; all I had to do was BE!
I started to feel how things could be different. I felt my body, mind and soul take a deep breath, a sigh even. And although I had no understanding yet of how, I knew I had something else in store. I realised I had a choice. That I was not required to live up to the expectations of others. It was that moment that I experienced my lightbulb moment. That feeling of freedom as you realise “OH, THIS is it! I don’t need to do DO, I simply need to BE.”
“We are human beings not human doings”
Not saying that I knew what to do next, but it gave me the impulse to wander and wonder. By taking small steps I started exploring what I needed to change in my life, what I could do differently and where I did not need to work so hard, giving myself the freedom to BE. The quote “We are human beings not human doings” became the essence of my journey. That listening with a deeper understanding to what YOU want is only possible when you are not constantly busy.
For those driven to work so hard, the horses can help you recognise that you have forgotten the most important factor, selfcare. That the love for oneself is missing. In my line of work as executive coach I come across professionals who experience patterns such as witnessing a parent drive themselves into an early grave through working too hard. Our coaching sessions with the horses make these repeating patterns visible. And the horses immediately bring so much heart energy as they help you move on from past experiences and patterns holding you back.
If you are feeling stuck and want to experience this freedom, I would love to hear from you and guide you, through the wisdom of the horses, recognise what is holding you back so that you can take the steps to embrace a life you want to live.
